


Broken

by Canadian_nights



Category: Cardinal (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28661043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadian_nights/pseuds/Canadian_nights
Summary: John is struggling being back at work after Catherine's death and he and Lise get stranded in Toronto. Confusion and comfort and probably more....
Relationships: John Cardinal & Lise Delorme, John Cardinal/Lise Delorme
Comments: 13
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> soooo I may have been watching season 3 because its too snowy and cold to do much outside and rather than finishing job applications and a presentation I need to make I have instead got lost in some sleepy rambles about these two. It's not my best work but maybe will brighten up a few dark wintery nights ... I hope you enjoy...

“Are you in a hurry to get back?”

“No.”  
John’s voice was quiet and rough. He had a horrible lost look on his face, a loss of the fire in his eyes and Lise hated it. Hated that he was so broken and vulnerable. Hated that she couldn’t find a way to make it better.

“Great, so I’ll meet you here in a couple of hours?”

“Yep”

The case was the last thing on Lise’s mind as she met with the Toronto robbery team. Her mind constantly wandering to how John would be spending his time in the city, not believing for a moment his story about going to check on Kelly. Something was way off with her partner and being shut out was unsettling her more than she cared to admit. 

On her way back across town Lise found herself flicking through news reports online, her attention caught by the headline article: ‘wildfires causing travel chaos across Ontario’. Just as she was opening the link to read the details her screen flashed with a call from Dyson. 

“Hey Lise. Have you seen the news? You and John still in the city?”

“Yeah.”

“Looks like you will need to stay put for the night, the entire highway is closed to traffic. No point even trying to travel today. Put the rooms on the work account and I’ll catch back up with you tomorrow. Oh and Lise… Look after John for me will you.”

Lise felt her lips creasing into a forced smile, forcing the air left over in her lungs out through her nose in an audible sigh as her forehead creased. Twenty-four hours of trying to keep John distracted wasn’t going to be an easy task. 

*****

When they met back up it was late afternoon and John was feeling tired and restless. He had seen the news himself whilst grabbing a coffee and had called Kelly to see if she was free. Not unexpectedly his daughter already had plans and that made him feel more frustrated and alone than ever. He was happy that his daughter was getting on with her life but it irked him that her ability to get on with things only highlighted how badly he was coping with the guilt and the loss he still felt about Catherine. It didn’t help at all that he would be stuck in the city he hated for the night with the person who could read him like an open book, the person he couldn’t hide his thoughts from, the person who probed him without words with questions that he didn’t have answers for. 

“So, it looks like we will be spending the night in the city. Fancy getting some dinner John? I’ve booked us a couple of rooms at the Marriott – on the expenses account.” 

Her knowing smirk slightly lightened his mood and he found himself nodding his agreement against his better judgement. 

“Dinner is your shout then. What’s good?”

Like always, his partner had caught him off guard. Her familiarity and lack of anxiety around him, despite what poor company he was, had finally begun to make inroads into his psyche and to his immense surprise he was beginning to feel human again. It felt nice to be surfacing back into the real world under the reassuring gaze of Lise. For some unsettling reason though that very fact also felt a little terrifying, particularly because her smile had managed to make a big part of the aching feeling in his chest loosen, like a glacier melting into the ocean. The warmth in her eyes making him want to smile back at her as his heart raced a little too fast. 

“I erm… maybe Italian, you can’t really go wrong?”

“Sounds good.”

Lise chose to deliberately ignore the fact that the slight break in his voice made her stomach do a summersault. The line in her mind between colleague and friend had become so blurred with John in the last few months that she was finding it harder and harder to ignore the developing attraction she felt towards the tall, dark detective. Attraction that had blossomed into something much more complicated since the death of his wife. The aching desire to comfort the broken man he had become, growing harder to ignore with every minute she spent in his presence. 

*****

The city streets were full of the chatter of young twenty-something professionals slipping out of offices and into street side bars to enjoy the summer evening. It was a nice distraction to get a little lost in the crowd, suddenly anonymous, just two old friends losing themselves on a warm night in the big city. 

Eventually they stumbled upon a quiet side street and a little Italian restaurant that still had a couple of empty tables. They must have been walking in comfortable conversation for nearly an hour as it was after six by the time they got seated with a menu, a friendly waitress lighting a tealight on the table as she took their drink orders. 

John found himself feeling overly warm as a plate of olives arrived along with a bottle of expensive red wine. Something about the candle and the dim lighting was making this feel anything but a platonic meal between friends and it was making him flustered and more than a little anxious. He knew that his discomfort was written all over his face and he hoped that the shadows would disguise the flush of embarrassment that came with it. Lise was a good colleague, a friend even. He couldn’t rationalise the way he was feeling, the beautiful young woman sat opposite him certainly had no intentions of seducing an old, broken man over her spaghetti alle vongole. Lise was just being kind. She knew he was hurting and was clearly trying very hard to distract him from the misery that had been plaguing every lonely minute since the funeral. The problem was it was working… a little too well. He didn’t want to feel happy; it was too soon, it wasn’t right. In spite of his efforts to resist the pull he felt towards Lise; with every glass of wine that slipped too easily down his throat, he was finding it harder and harder to stop himself loving the company lighting up his night. 

For Lise it was nice to see John’s boyish dimples again, sunk into his cheeks beneath the overgrown messy beard and the ghost of a smile in the twitch of his lips as he spoke. The light from the candle had warmed his eyes, making them a shade lighter, as he let her truly see him again for the first time in too long. Suddenly his gaze was overwhelming. She hadn’t realised that his icy wall had bothered her so much until the relief of reconnecting with the man who meant so much to her hit her full in the face, the flush of the wine disguising at least some of the heated emotion washing over her body. 

“Dessert?” 

“Sure”

They had moved on from their two bottles of wine with their meal, to coffee laced with liquor as they ordered a tiramisu to share from the menu, missing the knowing smile from the waitress as she had to actively interrupt them in order to clear away the empty plates of food. 

John was only slightly aware that he had pressed his leg against Lise as he leant across to share the pudding. The comforting warmth from her body together with the rich dessert and all the alcohol of the last few hours had taken him a bit by surprise, forming a heady, almost overwhelming mix in his mind and he found himself completely lost for what to say to the suddenly very beautiful woman who was smiling at him. 

“It's still early John. Do you fancy another drink nearer the hotel?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous confused John anyone?

Cardinal had insisted on picking up the bill and Lise could have sworn she could see a hint of envy in the server’s eyes as he rested his hand against the hollow of her back, for just a little longer than necessary, as they headed for the street. 

The cool air was sobering and John spent a fair bit of the walk looking at the floor, unsure exactly how he had never acknowledged how beautiful Lise’s smile was or what her laugh did to the butterflies suddenly awakened in his stomach. 

He must have subconsciously been following a familiar route from his youth as they eventually fell upon an old-fashioned bar that couldn’t have changed much in twenty-five years. 

Lise had walked a good few steps before realising that John was no longer by her side, turning back she saw his tall outline silhouetted by the glow through the tinted glass of the bar.

“Here?” 

John didn’t answer, his expression pensive as she struggled to catch his eye. He was staring up at the faded painted signage, his mind clearly lost in a distant memory. Then he turned back to her, a momentary frown creasing his face as he mentally shook himself free of wherever he had just got lost. The fog of sadness in his eyes was barely perceptible but Lise saw it, for the briefest of moments, in the blink before he regained his composure. Stood so close she could almost hear his heavy swallow as he tilted his head and flashed the faintest glimpse of his lopsided smile; her favourite smile and this time, in the warm darkness, it made her feel a little giddy. 

“Here’s good.”

His voice had a squeak of emotion in it and Lise felt she was accidentally intruding, deciding not to ask him what it was he had remembered. It was like he could read the questions racing through her mind and he fixed her with his Cardinal stare, so full of raw emotion that she couldn’t pull her eyes away. 

Eventually it was the loud buzz of his phone in his pocket that tugged his gaze away and he fumbled momentarily as he pulled it from his pants with more than a hint of frustration poorly concealed as he clenched his jaw. 

“It’s Kel. I’ll erm meet you inside?”

“Sure”

*****  
Scanning the busy room Cardinal quickly located Lise at the bar, his heart thudding heavily against his sternum with the realisation that she wasn’t sitting alone. The potent mixture of too much alcohol flowing through his blood combined with how strongly he cared for his partner had him suddenly prickling with a surge of intense jealousy. Even in his intoxicated haze he could accept how illogical his feelings were. Delorme was twenty years his junior, single and free to chat to whomever she wanted. The fact that those details did nothing to rationalise the sudden possessiveness he felt towards her had him questioning how honest he was being with himself when it came to his feelings for Lise Delorme. 

The throbbing warmth fluttering back to life in the hollow chasm of his chest had knocked him completely off balance. Secret hopes and longings, suppressed for a long time by his loyalty to Catherine, finally finding a way through his steely defences. By the time he had made it back to the bar he had just about admitted to himself that the reason for his irritation was about as far from paternalistic protective instinct as you could possibly get.  
He wanted her. Not as a partner or a friend. He wanted it all with Lise in spite of the fact he should still have been grieving the loss of his wife.

That final crushing acknowledgement made him even angrier at himself and the world.

The dangerous torrent of frustrated longing and guilty self-hatred meant his arrival back at the bar was reminiscent of a hungry lion stalking its prey. 

*****

Lise had been tipsily minding her own business and chatting with the young girl behind the bar when she had been interrupted by a handsome man in a shiny suit who had obviously also been hitting the town hard that night. Initially it was flattering, he must have been twenty-five at the most, full of youthful bravado with a movie star smile and the confidence to go along with it. It had been a long time since a handsome man had tried to chat her up and although she had no intention of entertaining his advances, her loosened inhibitions were happy to revel for a little while in some much-needed eager attention. If nothing else it was a welcome distraction from the burning longing that had intensified tenfold over the course of the preceding hours, for her brooding and very emotionally unavailable partner.

Caught up in conversation, Lise didn’t notice John walking up to the bar until he was looming over the shoulder of her hapless admirer. From her seated angle he seemed taller and broader, if that was possible, his chest puffed out and shoulders squared in clear hostility. Then he opened his mouth and something akin to a growl escaped. 

“Can I help you?” 

Lise watched as the boy beside her jumped at the ferocity of John's less than friendly greeting. His eyes growing big at the sudden realisation that he had bitten off more than he could chew in trying to chat up a clearly taken woman, his overzealous ego visibly deflating as he scuttled off back to his mates without looking up at John. 

A little taken aback by what had just unfolded Lise could only stare at John, watching as his prickling bravado was replaced by a flush of embarrassment that crept endearingly up his neck all the way to his ears, which were twitching again in nervous anticipation. 

“I erm… I’m sorry Lise. I… I didn’t mean to interrupt like a creepy old man.”

Lise couldn’t suppress the smile that was pulling at her own cheeks as he fumbled his words. Jealous John was unimaginably attractive to her, regardless of the motives behind his display of bravado it felt nice that he cared enough to get that riled up. 

“You aren’t creepy or old John. You did me a favour to be honest, although you will need to buy me the drink that you just did me out of with your terrifying roar.” 

Smiling warmly, Lise stood up from the bar, unable to resist running her hand reassuringly down his arm, hesitating just long enough to appreciate the hard contours of the toned biceps hiding under his crisp shirt. 

“A gin and tonic. Why don’t you bring it over to the booth – I’ll go grab us the comfier seats.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit more flirting and some uninhibited truths....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and very sweet - maybe I am just crushing on John too in my covid deprivation!  
> Happy Weekend!

Making herself comfortable in the middle of the curved booth, Lise let her head rest back on the velvet cushioning and tried hard not to let her mind wander into very dangerous territory. Watching John at the bar, his imposing frame hovering taller than anyone else in his vicinity, was only making the fluttering in her stomach worse. His suit jacket was slung casually over his arm, due to the heat of the evening, granting her an excellent view of the contours of his strong back as he stretched across to pay, the thin white cotton straining across the ridge of his shoulder blades as his thick dark hair tickled at his collar. Now that her body had acknowledged how attracted she was to John she was luxuriating in all the little details that she had previously taken for granted and it was making her really want to touch him again. He was so oblivious to how handsome he was and the self-imposed boundary line she had made herself stay safely behind for so, so long had well and truly been wiped away by the shift between them tonight. 

By the time John had walked across the crowded room to sit beside her, she had become so anxious about what to say or do around him that her leg had started to shake and jitter under the table. 

There was a long period of quiet, not as uncomfortable as perhaps it could have been but far from the ease of dinner, as they sipped on their respective drinks, exchanging fleeting glances which never quite caught the other’s eye. John’s rash display at the bar had shaken him and whilst his protectiveness had instilled Lise with some optimism about how he really felt, his subsequent self-deprecation and apology had only added to her confusion. 

Eventually it was Lise who ran out of nerve and broke the silence, asking warmly about how Kelly was getting on. It was a good topic of conversation, John always lightening up as he spoke about the successes of his daughter. She was really thriving in the big city and it was beautiful to watch his love and paternal pride come spilling out in his words and in the warmth on his face. 

The calming effect of talking about his daughter had settled the swirling nerves that had taken an unwelcome hold of his confidence. He found himself genuinely wanting to continue talking, asking Lise about her own family with a new found freedom. As she told him about her parents and childhood, her openness with him and the ease of her company made him come out of his shell, happily reminiscing about his own past, without the hollow sadness that he had been so used to feeling for the last few months, probably even years. 

In the space of a few hours, they had found out more about each other than almost anybody else had been allowed to know in a very long time and neither could deny that it felt nice. 

John had gone to the bar to refill their drinks and when he sat back down he was a lot closer than before, his body drawn to her, eager to be able to feel the comforting heat of Lise as they spoke. At some point, as they chatted about their favourite places in Toronto, Lise’s hand had slipped from its grip on her glass to rest on the table, inches from his own, and he lost all concentration on what she was saying. Without lifting his gaze and against his better judgement he let his own fingers tentatively slide closer, until their hands were gently touching, a bolt of electricity shooting through him and causing the dark hairs of his forearm to stand on end under his shirt. 

His touch felt so right and having felt his body give in to what was clearly happening between them she was spurred on to tell him how she felt, hoping that he would finally let go of the last of his defences. 

“It’s not your fault you know John. None of it is. You can’t go on punishing yourself for the rest of your life.” 

Her voice was soft and closer than he remembered as her hand moved cautiously to rest on top of his own. It was an innocent gesture that should have been comforting, but his skin was burning under her small fingers and he was struggling to breathe let alone speak. 

It took a long time to summon the courage to look at her. When he finally managed it, she was patiently waiting on him, her dark eyes full to the brim with kindness and sincerity.

It was in that moment he finally admitted to himself that he was in love with her. That he had been in love with every part of Lise for so long that he couldn’t have said exactly when or how it happened. That it was futile to go on denying how desperately his heart belonged to the most incredible woman he had ever known. 

He knew too that he owed her the truth and so he forced himself to take a deep breath and try. 

“I find it hard sometimes Lise, to not feel responsible. I… I…”

John didn’t get to finish what he was trying to say, his mind going blank as he felt her leaning in closer. He was so in awe that he absorbed every detail, watching as her eyes fluttered closed, her delicate lashes tickling her freckled cheeks before he felt the warmth of her breath against his face. When her lips tenderly touched his own, his eyes squeezed closed instinctively, shutting out the world so that he could savour the sensation of her kiss. Only she didn’t move, at least not initially, barely resting her warm lips against him, their breath colliding as the rapid rate of her breathing gradually calmed alongside his own. Then his brain and body woke up and he opened his mouth against her, letting his hand reach up to tangle through her hair and guide her closer so that he could explore her hot mouth with more hunger than he knew he possessed. He could taste the fragrant juniper tones on her tongue, his consciousness completely enveloped by the warmth he had found in Lise. He had never been kissed like this; never been so completely lost in another human being, never felt so connected to someone by a single moment. 

The sound of a glass smashing at the bar reminded Lise where they were and she reluctantly eased back from John, breathing hard as she held his urgent gaze, enjoying the look of wonder burning in his big twinkling eyes. 

Her voice, when she regained the ability of speech, was breathy and soft and she could feel the huge grin tugging her lips as she spoke. 

“Wow!”

A strange squeaking growl of appreciation was all he could muster in response. His entire being completely overwhelmed by what had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there still time for an epic John crisis of confidence or just some cuteness in the final chapter...... I'm not quite sure yet 😈😇


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old ghosts come back to haunt Cardinal - is that the end of Lise and John before they even get to begin? 
> 
> (obviously those that know my rambles will clearly be aware that there is really no need to worry!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this is accidentally very angsty because my procrastination took me here but I promise it is all in the build up to a satisfactory conclusion- it's so much more fun this way and in the Cardilorme universe it really doesn't ever get to go smoothly! Buckle in and hope you enjoy.

It was coming up on midnight but Lise didn’t want to pull herself away from John, particularly now that his body had melted into her, his beard nuzzling against her cheek. He felt so warm and safe and all of Lise’s senses had gone into overdrive. Her skin was tingling with excitement, the friction electrifying every time he shifted gently against her. Then there was his smell; fresh and crisp like a walk through a snowy forest in early spring – up close it was almost intoxicating.

There was a heat in the air that had nothing to do with the mild night as they finally took their leave from the bar. John had stood first, offering his hand to Lise like the lead in a regency romance novel and despite all of her values she was happy to indulge in a little chivalry. 

Lise was all set to slide her hand into his waiting fingers when a high-pitched voice called out John’s name and Lise felt herself prickle a little. 

“John Cardinal is that you?”

The voice was attached to a woman maybe slightly older than John and Lise could tell by the brief flicker of confusion that crossed his face that he hadn’t seen her in a while. When he eventually smiled back his body language had changed, his inviting hand dropping quickly to his side. 

“Laura? It’s erm good to see you.” 

It transpired that she was Kelly’s childhood tutor. When John introduced Lise he stumbled slightly, settling on calling her his partner and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. It was true, they were partners, but tonight it had felt like they were finally more and naively she had thought he may have acknowledged that. Lise didn’t get long to dwell on that though, as the next worlds from Laura’s mouth changed everything.

“How is Kelly getting on and Catherine?”

As Lise stood frozen to the spot, John told the older woman about Catherine, robotically, with none of the emotion that she knew still flowed so painfully through his soul. She found herself watching with a real sadness as the easy smile on the woman’s face fell away, changing in an instant to a look of shock and pity. Cardinal had dropped his own gaze to the floor, his shoulders sagging in defeat and Lise felt almost all of the joy fall out of her chest. It had been just over a year since the funeral and it was so hard to see him hurting again. The accidental question of a near stranger unwittingly scraping off the fragile scab to expose the open wound. Lise could feel the sting as though it were her own flesh. 

By the time Laura had hugged John kindly and said her polite goodbyes it was like someone had hit the reset button in his mind. The relaxed and care free man, who, just ten minutes prior had been smiling hopefully into her eyes was gone and he was haunted again by the ghosts that Lise was powerless to free him from. 

She wanted to hold him, to sooth him but he had closed down. Invisible barricades once again shutting out the world- shutting out her. Instead, they walked in complete silence through the cheerful streets, into the fluorescent cold of the elevator and along the dreary corridor to their neighbouring rooms. 

It was only when she came to a sudden stop outside her door that John finally looked up from his laces, his face greyer and older than it had been an hour ago. The creases around his eyes and dark grooves in his forehead accentuating the inner turmoil that was so visible in his sad eyes. 

Standing as long as she dared, she held his gaze, waiting for him to say something… anything. But there was only silence, his frown deepening as he looked at her hopelessly. 

John knew what Lise needed him to do, what she needed him to say. But the words stuck in his chest and he felt like a failure again as she turned away.

*****

Lise stood under the scalding shower, letting the burning water wash away the tears that refused to stop; tears of frustration but most of all tears of sadness. Tears because she couldn’t have been any clearer with John about how she felt and what she wanted. Tears of unrequited longing and the painful acknowledgement that this would always be too hard for him, but that she couldn’t make herself stop. 

This was why she was cold sometimes, why she didn’t open up to people or let them in. In all of her 35 years she had never needed anyone enough to want them to make her feel this vulnerable.

Then came John Cardinal- hurled into her path like a curveball. A man broken by years of trauma and pain. So full of regret and guilt. She should have passed through his life unscathed but somehow this broken man understood her like nobody else in the world had or would. She had fallen for his quiet vulnerability and secret smiles and she couldn’t stop herself loving him – not in spite of his flaws but because of them. 

Now everything had changed and she would lose the most important person in her life. Her best friend. Her partner. 

*****

John had no recollection of getting into his room. The thud of the latch jolting him back into the world as his eyes struggled to focus in the darkness which had enveloped him like an unwelcome shawl. His heart was thumping hard as he tried to focus on his rasping breaths instead of his racing mind. 

It was futile though, his painful thoughts having no intention of quietening as he frustratedly scraped his calloused fingers through his beard. The moment his thumb ran across his bottom lip the memory of Lise’s soft warmth flooded through him, her presence so real that he could taste her lips against him as he closed his eyes. 

*****

Lise finally shut off the hot shower, squeezing the excess water from her hair as she stepped out onto the warm mat. She just wanted to crawl into bed and rather than dry her hair she loosely enveloped it in a towel, snuggling her still warm body into the comforting plush of the bathrobe. Thick steam billowed after her as she left the bathroom. As she reached back to switch off the light she was stopped with a start by a soft knock at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm sorry...... but think what that knock might bring 😉  
> I wanted to update before I have to work again for some long horrible shifts and so there is an update before the weekend. Next week all will be happy again... I promise!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got there in the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while for this chapter... real life has been extra hectic and probably will be for the foreseeable future but I wanted to get this conclusion up and hope that you enjoy. As always it isn't just the physical with these too - hearts and minds get lost too.  
> I hope it brightens up your week x

Lise didn’t need to check who it was. She knew that knock well, her heart suddenly racing as she opened the door. He looked pale. His jaw held taught and ears twitching as he bit down on his back teeth. When he finally spoke, it was slow and steady but the husky gruffness gave away how scared he truly was.

“I want you Lise. So damn much.” 

John had been so worried, about being able to say what he needed, that he hadn’t even truly seen Lise. When he realised that she was wearing nothing but a robe, the damp skin of her chest just visible as his eyes flickered hungrily, he almost stopped breathing. 

“I… I can’t pretend anymore… I… You mean everything to me.” 

Lise watched his face twist in discomfort, his Adam’s apple slowly sliding up his prickled throat as he swallowed hard, piercing her with a pleading stare that was begging her to take pity on his incompetence. Begging her to accept how hard he was trying.

Lise knew he was giving all he had. For her, that was more than enough.

“It’s been so long Lise. I… I don’t even know how you are supposed to do this- us? I’m terrified.”

“Do you want to try?”

John’s eyes lit back up with hope, the blue crescents shimmering brightly at the centre of his rich hazel irises. Nodding slowly and purposefully his lips curled into an optimistic smile as he held her gaze urgently, afraid to let go.

“Bon. Viens ici!”

There was a moment of stuttering confusion and John’s eyebrows shot up, crinkling his forehead. He looked a little like a lost boy and Lise could no longer resist reaching out for his hand, lightly guiding him into her room. 

“John…” 

His name was ringing in his ears, the silky tone of her voice kickstarting his heart as though he had just been shocked through the chest. He could feel himself starting to panic, unable to hide his fear from Lise as he stared into the deep depths of her eyes. 

“John, its ok. Nothing needs to change.”

“Everything is going to change Lise.” John’s voice rumbled softly in his chest. 

“I… I want things to change. I want you… this. I just… can we take it slow?”

Lise flashed him a knowing smile that made his blood burn with desire and he felt himself beginning to relax.

The moment the door crashed behind him Lise’s fingers were on his chest, sliding up along the crisp, cool fabric of his shirt. Her heart was already thudding hard in unbridled anticipation, her mind picturing the strong muscles underneath as the heat from his body seeped into her. 

“You have no idea how much I have wanted to touch you. All night John. Like this…”

Without giving him any time to panic, Lise stealthily undid his top button, her clever fingers working their way down one by one until his shirt was splayed open to reveal his creamy skin. Skin that was so much softer than she imagined and prickled with delicate goose bumps under her fingertips.

Sliding the shirt off his shoulders she replaced her fingers with her mouth, kissing first his collar bone then trailing her lips lovingly along the dark scar tissue that littered his torso. Her slow, tender movements had calmed him, his racing thoughts stilling for a welcome moment as he savoured the sensation of her hot breath against his eager flesh. The way she could read his body, almost as if she had a map to all of the places he liked to be touched, took his breath away yet again. 

When Lise stilled, her mouth hovering over the bullet wound that had formed an ugly scar on John’s abdomen, it felt as though time stopped. The memories flooding back for both of them. There was something more poignant about that battle wound than any of the others that littered his body. It should have been pure horror filling his head as he closed his eyes, remembered lying on the blood-soaked floor, his life hanging precariously in the balance. It was Lise though, who flooded his memories. Her voice pleading against his ear and the overwhelming relief he had felt rush over him just knowing she was there. 

In that moment Lise had saved him, not just from the bullet and the bleeding but from the self-destruction and the loneliness. As he savoured the tingling sensation of her lips ghosting tenderly over the raised skin, it dawned on John that it had been the moment he had put his faith in another person, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. That it was the moment he knew she trusted him and believed in who he was. It was the moment too, as he slowly recovered in the stark hospital room, that harmless lust started on its journey towards love. Towards the inevitability of this moment.

That realisation and the twinge of guilt that came with it, made him hesitate, just long enough for Lise to notice, pulling back from his body to look into his face.

“We don’t need to...”

Lise had felt his hesitation, wondering if it was still too soon. Maybe he needed more time to process everything that was happening before he could give himself to her like this.  
John had already wasted so much of his life with guilt and regret. Right now- with Lise, it felt right. He didn’t want to wait any longer, the attraction so raw that he was already so painfully hard, the blood in his groin pulsing with need. He needed her to know what she did to him, that he was all in and not running away anymore. So, he laced his arms tightly around her waist, slowly pulling her closer and making sure she could feel exactly how much he definitely wanted this. 

That was all the encouragement Lise needed, her fingers deftly sliding down the warm skin of his stomach, enjoying the rapid rise and fall of his abdomen as her hands came to rest against the cool metal buckle of his belt. Slipping it loose, along with the clasp of his pants, her fingers found his zipper. The clear evidence of his desire impeding her progress as she teased him inch by inch, the pressure of her palm against his hardness causing a choked gasp of pleasure to ricochet against her ear. 

For all the primal desire surging through his body, John’s brain couldn’t switch off from what was happening in his chest. The thrumming warmth almost overwhelming as Lise looked up into his eyes, the excitement of their connection even greater than the thrill of her fingers running over the sensitive arousal in his pants. Suddenly he needed to show her how invested he was in this, that it wasn’t just a quick release or a drunken fumble. Lise was so beautiful, so incredible and she wanted him. She hadn’t given up on the man that he used to be. The man who had got lost somewhere along the way but who maybe he could find again. With her at his side he felt incredibly hopeful. 

Cupping her face tenderly, John let his thumb gently trace along the soft skin of her cheek, revelling in the warmth in her eyes as she blushed under his touch. Not quite sure where the surge of confidence came from, he kissed her, softly and tenderly, nibbling along her lower lip as her fingers tangled through his hair. His reward was mind-blowing as she returned his caresses, the softness of her lips giving way to the hot desire of her probing tongue. Now that she was his, alone at last, he felt himself falling uncontrollably.

“Take me to bed.”

The look of awe in his sparkling eyes, as he held her gaze and waited for her confirmation, made her heart thud with need. Her reassuring nod lighting the touch paper in John as he roared to life. 

Wriggling out of his pants he hoisted her light frame up to rest against his waist, her legs digging seductively into his ass as he walked them to the bed. Even like this John needed to be closer, collapsing onto the bed he fumbled to unfasten the tie of the robe, his hands shaking to the point that Lise took over, taking his fingers in her own and sliding them inside the towelling fabric.

John’s eyes had turned coal black and Lise savoured the longing in the creases of his face, smiling up at him until his rough thumb ran across the hard peak of an eager nipple and her eyes squeezed closed, overwhelmed by the contrasting sensation. 

Against the blackness of her eyelids, Lise felt the cool air hit her still damp skin as John gently slid her free from the robe. His beard tickling at her skin as he nibbled the sensitive flesh of her neck, tracing his tongue teasingly lower, his teeth grazing the pert skin of her breast before sucking her dark pink flesh into his mouth, the heat of his breath making her tremble. 

He was everything she had imagined as a lover. His calm, conscientious exterior toying with her fiery desire with such skill that she forced every fibre of her impatient being to be still and enjoy the moment. When his long fingers dipped between her legs, she instinctively arched up against him, his palm grazing over her clit as he slid two careful fingers between her folds, teasing and caressing until she spasmed around him. When the wave of pleasure had dissipated and Lise was able to open her eyes back up, she found him gazing at her. A cheeky smile of satisfaction tickling at his features.

Suddenly she needed to feel all of him, to feel connected in the most intimate of ways. Reaching around to pull at his hips, he took the hint, his strong hands guiding her around him so that she could accommodate his frame between her legs. Lise was so ready, the sound of his rasping unsteady breath lapping against her ear, as he eased himself gently deeper, only increasing her arousal. 

Somehow being inside of Lise was even more incredible than he could ever have imagined. She was so eager and tight, her satisfied mewls making him feel more alive than ever as he basked in the sensation of being so keenly desired. Buried completely in her soft, welcoming depths he had to rest his forehead against her cheek to give himself a moment to catch his breath and calm his mind. When she turned against him, seeking out his mouth he kissed her hungrily, gently rolling his hips as she arched up into him. With every thrust he could feel her muscles tightening around him, drawing him deeper as her fingers dug hungrily into his back. He had never been a vocal lover but from some primal corner of his soul a guttural growl escaped against her lips when her orgasm hit, the rhythmical contractions pulling him into ecstasy as he spilled inside her. 

*****  
They had fallen asleep, curled together, Lise’s nose buried in the warmth of his chest. When John awoke in the dark of the night he immediately felt different. The icy cold that had enveloped both his consciousness and his nightmares had lifted; replaced by Lise's warmth as her comforting breath lapped against the hollow of his throat. Pulling her closer, he wrapped his leg across her hip, encasing her completely in the safety of his body. His subconscious already refusing to let her go as his heavy eyelids gratefully closed in sleepy contentment.


End file.
